someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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