did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
