im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am available for nakedness
Pants are for mortals
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize