I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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