You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
