go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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