Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
