she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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