When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
