I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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