I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
