so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
