I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
