i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
