Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
