where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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