Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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