Need sex. Gaining weight.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just blew my weed a kiss
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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