Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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