shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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