I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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