Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
