He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
