Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
