apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do vagina's smell?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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