Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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