Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
