Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.

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  (203): I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt. http://tfl.nu/mij5
  Replies (9) Good night (808) Bad night (1054)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Billy Mays is dead too!

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs

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  (352): Billy Mays is dead too! (1-352): Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs http://tfl.nu/okmt
  Replies (11) Good night (2069) Bad night (656)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.

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  (717): i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now. http://tfl.nu/sepd
  Replies (86) Good night (5182) Bad night (2153)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  was that a mass text??

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  (804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791
  Replies (60) Good night (11049) Bad night (2370)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.

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  (203): On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk. http://tfl.nu/7fnb
  Replies (11) Good night (4929) Bad night (1363)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night

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  (303): the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night http://tfl.nu/fwes
  Replies (6) Good night (4034) Bad night (1188)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other

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  (857): other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other http://tfl.nu/ii3b
  Replies (10) Good night (1571) Bad night (2828)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  All my credit cards need to be pressure washed

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  (617): All my credit cards need to be pressure washed http://tfl.nu/kgeq
  Replies (5) Good night (1056) Bad night (884)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thank you for not boning my boss.

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  (630): Thank you for not boning my boss. http://tfl.nu/8tof
  Replies (1) Good night (1035) Bad night (486)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...

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  (802): Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not... http://tfl.nu/ztpl
  Replies (5) Good night (755) Bad night (433)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP

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  (240): Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP http://tfl.nu/rq2g
  Replies (0) Good night (664) Bad night (390)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm a corrupt cop.

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  (678): You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably. (404): I'm a corrupt cop. http://tfl.nu/teya
  Replies (4) Good night (1832) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?

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  (678): Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night? http://tfl.nu/tvyx
  Replies (1) Good night (888) Bad night (566)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.

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  (630): And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then. http://tfl.nu/h2gd
  Replies (4) Good night (433) Bad night (424)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Wear something tight

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  (361): Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick" (517): Wear something tight http://tfl.nu/ryqo
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (261)

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