Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  i need an iv and a liver transplant

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  (626): i need an iv and a liver transplant http://tfl.nu/lbut
  Replies (4) Good night (2591) Bad night (976)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.

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  (412): Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet. http://tfl.nu/977n
  Replies (14) Good night (4260) Bad night (739)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.

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  (509): I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good. http://tfl.nu/3e0k
  Replies (30) Good night (5196) Bad night (2040)
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  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

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  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (22) Good night (14443) Bad night (1306)
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  (858): View more from California

  Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

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  (858): Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today. http://tfl.nu/g96b
  Replies (10) Good night (3565) Bad night (1525)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

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  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (10875) Bad night (2213)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number

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  (709): a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number http://tfl.nu/syte
  Replies (14) Good night (3094) Bad night (1417)
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  (845): View more from New York

  she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.

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  (845): she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there. http://tfl.nu/dzx0
  Replies (3) Good night (2735) Bad night (871)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.

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  (208): Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap. http://tfl.nu/81wb
  Replies (5) Good night (1293) Bad night (896)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.

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  (928): I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with. http://tfl.nu/qynz
  Replies (2) Good night (1385) Bad night (1070)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will be naked everywhere

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  (814): I will be naked everywhere http://tfl.nu/uvl6
  Replies (4) Good night (1962) Bad night (987)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night

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  (907): Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night http://tfl.nu/7a8c
  Replies (6) Good night (1372) Bad night (511)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.

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  (905): I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time. http://tfl.nu/shdn
  Replies (13) Good night (637) Bad night (1757)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you

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  (616): i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them (1-616): its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you http://tfl.nu/jk07
  Replies (3) Good night (1168) Bad night (566)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.

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  (724): I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever. http://tfl.nu/5x63
  Replies (0) Good night (548) Bad night (287)

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