I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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