i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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