Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight