i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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