Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.