you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
