One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My feet surprised me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
