First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We had to coat check the pizza.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize