11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I supernannyed him into submission
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
