Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
