i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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