do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
