Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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