he shaved USA in his pubs
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
