I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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