fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
