You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
