Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Found the puke drawer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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