this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just cut my nipple shaving
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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