Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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