yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
