thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
