So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
