you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
