Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
