i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
