he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
