I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
