In the future we'll all be gay
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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