hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize