drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
