hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
