I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
