Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
