I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
