Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
