Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
