i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
