I think I am morally bankrupt
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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