Nicole vs. Life
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
