As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
