Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
