I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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