Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
