I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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